4/20/2016
Well, as usual, I underestimated how much time I have available to type ideas here. I did, of course, finish Wishlist #1041 yesterday. However, I don’t have enough comfortable free time to type in ideas today. So, I’ll see you this Tuesday coming up, my self scheduled time to type ideas here.
4/26/2016
Composure response:
Well, if memory serves, I am supposed to give you an overview of ‘Composure response’, the 2nd part of a 6 part idea I recommend for you to have.
To start, here is an excerpt(a passage or quotation taken or selected from a book, document, film,or the like) from Wishlist #1020 from this blog, made 10/13/2015 concerning composure response:
‘My point is that, when you experience mild to moderate instigations, you should be able to choose to not dismiss the composure response itself, since the composure response is coming from you, and is not necessarily obligated to the instigation that has caused the composure response. For example, in a mild context, when you do not look forward to some sort of instigation that you think will occur soon, of course you don’t look forward to the experience, but you keep the composure response associated with what you think may occur, because the composure response is coming from you, not from the instigation. Basically, the instigator may be causing you to dismiss too much of the composure response that is from you, since it is associated with an instigation you do not want to experience. Of course, you don’t always have to use this idea literally, and all of the time. With a little practice, you may develop your own sense of what and how to regulate your composure responses as it relates to instigations and inadvertencies.’
Here’s an example I want to start with using ‘Composure response’. The illustration is from the movie ‘Wall Street(1987)’, and according to Amazon Video rental, it starts near the end of the movie, 1 hour, 53 minutes, and 17 seconds into the movie. If you watched the movie, at this point, Bud Fox’s(Charlie Sheen) plan succeeded, he was able to save his father’s company from Gordon Gekko(Michael Douglas), and he is walking to work happy. However, what Mr. Fox doesn’t know is that he is about to get arrested at work. And so, the illustration I wanted to show you is how almost all of the employees tried to be considerate to Mr. Fox, since they all know that Mr. Fox is going to be arrested. Notice that, while he was walking into the office, in their own individual ways, the employees wanted him to have an acceptable composure response from them(After all, it’s not like your job offers you training to watch a co-worker get arrested).
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Now, the idea behind ‘I already know what the answer is’ is that, once you are able to accept that, even though the instigator imposed upon you an adverse, uninvited response from your composure, the composure response is still your composure response. It does not belong to the instigator. Of course, you are not going to use this idea for every instigation you experience. However, when you are able to use this idea, it can help you clarify your use of intent, even though the evaluations associated with the experienced instigation may seem to contradict your chosen intent. For example, for the adults, let’s say that, over time, you have made lifestyle changes. When you look back at those moments, moments that have a different lifestyle interactions than you use now, you may be able to say to yourself ‘I already know what the answer is’, since you no longer subscribe to those previous lifestyles.
Also, once you have practiced a little interpreting past instigations with the evaluation that the composure responses associated with those instigations are your composure responses, and do not belong to the instigator, when you have developed those past interpretations of instigations with a certain satisfaction, when you are making new ideas and you see a use for using past experiences with instigations, you can use the fact that your composure response is yours, and not the instigator’s as, a legitimate reason to use such experiences with instigations. So, for example, every mild to moderate instigation you have already experienced can be re-interpreted for a new idea you are developing! Once you start ‘re-hashing’ past experiences with instigations to a point that it is acceptably useful to you, your ability to more tenably experience unavoidable instigations should also improve. [To be clear, I am not giving you permission to cause a person to instigate you. I am trying to give you an idea that shows you that instigators may try to deprive you of your use of certain composure responses by improperly imposing upon you an association to a composure response that an instigator has caused you to respond to, an association that is displeasing and/or confusing for you to experience.
OK, in an attempt to keep some of the attention span in this particular list, let me address the adults reading this list that have already attended college(And of course, I am still taking into consideration that kids could be reading this). To the adults, do you remember the movie ‘Little Fockers(2010)’, when Greg Focker(Ben Stiller), after all of the formalities, would basically mock Jack Byrnes(Robert De Niro) during the Sustengo conference? Somewhere in the movie, Greg explained why those people, even though it seems like it’s an unrelated matter, would want Greg to talk about Jack. Well, let’s talk about awkward moments, in relation to advice, of course, that you have had when you attended college. And, of course, it is safe to assume that you now have a different lifestyle(for example, you now have a job) than the lifestyle you had when you attended college. OK, so just as an example, I don’t know if it actually happened, you listened to one of the phone messages that your friend in college wanted you to listen to, and it wasn’t meant for you, but it caused you to feel awkward. Now that you think about it, you can now say something like ‘That is my composure response, not the instigator’s’, and that you now have a different lifestyle now than what you had when you were in college.
What about stories that other people in college have told you that sort of ‘stand out’, even now? Now that, for example, you have a different lifestyle now than when you were in college, isn’t it possible that, even though the person/people who have told you such stories did not lie to you, isn’t it possible now that, upon reflection, that maybe such stories were intentionally exaggerated to be compatible with your college circumstance? I recommend that you review such stories that still ‘stand out’. Anyway, even if they were true, you may now say something like ‘My composure response is my composure response, not the instigator’s. I have a different lifestyle now.’ Of course, that person who told you the story that still stands out does not have to be seen as an instigator. The phrase can simply be used to help you learn to use the idea. And you can always change the phrase. For example, you can say instead ‘My composure response is my own. I have a different lifestyle now.’ Since you are just starting to use this idea, this idea can be used incrementally. When you go back to your college days, you can think to yourself that such composure responses are no longer composure responses you subscribe to, since you have a different lifestyle now than the lifestyle you had in college.
And now, for what I call the ‘money shot’: What about those somewhat embarrassing moments you had while attending college, the ones that still ‘stand out’? If you do laundry in a public laundromat like I do, maybe you think about such moments while doing your laundry. Here is a quote that may help you relate. It is from episode 9.6 ‘Heaven Can’t Wait’ from series ‘Supernatural(2013)’. According to Amazon Video, the scene exists 19 minutes and 31 seconds into the episode. Castiel(Misha Collins) says to Dean(Jensen Ackles) quote-‘The ebb and flow of human emotion.’ During your moments of calm, you may have recalled those embarrassing moments. Of course, I am referring to those moments that you can reference in the context of this advice. When you think about those moments, you may think to yourself ‘My composure response is my own. I have a different lifestyle now.’, or you may say ‘I already know what the answer is.’ Since those moments may still be somewhat embarrassing to you now, it may take some practice before you are able to say ‘I already know what the answer is.’ with a certain level of acceptance.
Rated R viewer discretion for movie ‘Wall Street’. PG-13 viewer discretion for movie ‘Little Fockers’. Use only refurbished for advice references recommended. Throw away rest of movie. [Use mental bookmarks ‘My composure response is my own, not the instigator’s.’, ‘My composure response is my own. I have a different lifestyle now.’, and ‘I already know what the answer is.’ for reference, allocation, and prevention when needed.
[For the ‘money shot’ idea involving the embarrassing moments, I recommend you consider using the bookmarks in order. For example, when thinking about those embarrassing moments that still ‘stand out’ in relation to advice, of course, first try 1)’My composure response is my own, not the instigator’s.’ Then, if you feel that you are ready, try 2)’My composure response is my own. I have a different lifestyle now.’ And then, if you have time for some push-ups, so to speak, try 3)’I already know what the answer is.’ Of course, you don’t have to try any of these ideas. This is only a recommendation.