9/27/2019

My boss, your partner… the game goes on.

(said as a greeting. I’m still using episode 7.13 ‘Their Last Bow’ from season ‘Elementary(2019)’. That is a quote from Ellory(Wrenn Schmidt) talking to Joan(Lucy Liu). According to Amazon Video, that scene starts 25 minutes and 47 seconds into the episode.)

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It is now 7:22 PM EST for me. I started late, but I want to type an idea in so that I can type another, separate idea in tomorrow. The music video I am recommending is sung by Jessie Ritter called ‘Nothing But You’. I couldn’t find any lyrics to her song from google, and I couldn’t find her name in wikipedia. However, I believe she is a beautiful country singer, based on her music video ‘Nothing But You’. I found her music video in www.youtube.com, by clicking publisher ‘Vevo’. I found her in category ‘DSCVR Country’. It listed 50 music videos, and she is #1 on that list. Throughout the music video, she is wearing a pink hat. To watch music video ‘Nothing But You’ for free, in www.youtube.com, search for phrase ‘nothing but you jessie ritter’, and it should be one of the 1st selections offered, with over 10 thousand views. It was published Aug 14, 2019, over a month ago. It’s a country music song. In my opinion, even though I haven’t looked at the lyrics, the few lyrics I did look at, she is praising a man I am assuming she is in love with. The key phrase in the lyrics, in my opinion, is ‘I don’t need nothing but you’.

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Composure deficiency:

I completed this idea earlier this morning, before I went to the public laundromat. The definition of ‘deficiency’ according to www.dictionary.com is ‘a lack or insufficiency; storage’. I am using the meaning of the word ‘deficiency’, refurbished for advice, of course, from episode 4.1 ‘The Worm Turns’ from horror sci-fi tv show ‘The Strain(2017)’. The episode is available streaming from Amazon.com for about 2 dollars Standard Definition. In that scene, Dr. Ephraim Goodweather(Corey Stall) is prescribing treatment to Karen(Lindsey Connell). Keep in mind that it’s just a tv show. It’s not real. I chose that scene because it’s a convenient portrayal of a vitamin deficiency. I’ll convert that later to a composure deficiency. Anyway, the scene starts 19 minutes and 45 seconds into the episode. Here is the quote:

Dr. Goodweather: ‘You have scorbutus, also known as scurvy. Your dietary intake of Vitamin C is too low.’

Karen: ‘Vitamin C?! Where am I supposed to get oranges or whatever?’

Dr. Goodweather: ‘The Partnership Freedom Bars are a poor substitute, but they have Vitamin C. You need the nutrients. Here. In the meantime… multivitamins to start you off. Powdered Vitamin C. Mix with water.’

Karen: ‘I will. Thank you, Dr. Miller.’

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If you watch that scene, and you can watch a little more than that regarding his doctor visit, keep in mind that it’s mean to show a grim, bleak situation. In that show, it gets worse before it gets better. I’m just recommending that you watch that doctor visit, not the rest of that tv show, and not the series.

So, here’s the problem identified by phrase ‘Composure deficiency’: that is when an experienced instigation makes you feel like your sense of customary composure awareness is being made deficient. The 1st example of ‘deficient’, refurbished for advice of course, is how Karen felt before she was diagnosed by Dr. Goodweather. And again, keep in mind not to intepret that scene literally. It’s just meant to give you a sense of deficiency. The 2nd scene involving a group of people experiencing composure deficiency inflicted by an instigator is in movie ‘As Good as It Gets(1997)’, starring Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall, and Helen Hunt as Carol Connelly. The best scene I can think of in that movie was when Melvin Udall was complaining to Carol that other people were using the table he usually uses in that restaurant. The movie ‘As Good as It Gets’ is available streaming from Amazon.com, and according to Amazon Video, that scene starts 11 minutes and 54 seconds into the movie. Here is the quote:

Melvin Udall: ‘I’ve got Jews at my table.’

Carol Connelly: ‘It’s not your table; it’s the place’s table. Behave. This once, you can sit at someone else’s station.’

And that is when it happened. All of the other waitresses turned around, and made some sort of declaring sound at Carol Connelly. They all indicated to Carol that they don’t want to serve Melvin Udall. And I can use that moment to explain further idea ‘Composure deficiency’: Let’s say that, like the way those waitresses are being mistreated by Mr. Udall, you’re experienced an instigation that involves something that you disapprove of. Let’s say that it involves surprise, like the way Mr. Udall would surprise those waitresses, and that experience would cause you to feel a composure deficiency. It’s that feeling of composure deficiency itself, not what you actually do, that gives you the impression that you are choosing to not communicate with that instigator, and that is the ‘trick’ that the instigation identified by phrase ‘Composure deficiency’ uses. Whether you are at school or at work, even though you are presenting yourself acceptably, you ‘feel’ like your sense of composure is being made deficient. And that can be associated with communicating with others, especially with the instigator that has caused you to feel in such a way. In the movie ‘As Good as It Gets’, all of the other waitresses, except Carol Connelly, are avoiding serving and mostly communicating with him. And that is how you may feel. Even though you are not doing such things to the instigator that instigated you, their instigations are causing you to feel that you are avoiding a sense of communication with them.

The solution, or at least something to help you feel better from such an experience, was created from a scene in the movie ‘Bad Influence(1990)’, starring James Spader as Michael Boll. I can’t find a streaming version of that movie in Amazon.com, or in google play. The movie is available as a DVD and Blu-ray purchase from Amazon.com. That’s going to make my explanation a little more difficult, since I can’t verify if that scene still exists. It may have been in the movie when I watched it, and maybe it was not used in DVD’s or Blu-rays. So, I guess I’ll just try to explain it: while Michael Boll was walking into his job, a man was expressing his gratitude to him for helping him pass a certain exam. Even though Michael Boll’s response was sort of indifferent, the man’s use of gratitude was still consistent, and that man said to Michael Boll that if he ever needed his help, he would be more than willing to oblige. If memory serves, Michael Boll called that man up, and that man agreed to help him. He allowed Michael Boll to stay with him and his family.

Active lifestyle perspective:

I recently turned that scene into an idea called ‘Active lifestyle perspective’. Because of the indifference Michael Boll showed that man, I imagined that Michael Boll learned to maintain certain courtesies. However, those courtesies are not treated as an active lifestyle perspective by Michael Boll. He allows himself to participate and get involved with such courtesies, but such courtesies are not part of his active lifestyle perspective. That is why Micheal Boll treated that man with a certain indifference.

Now, the man on the other hand did something interesting, based on how I imagined it. Even though that man knew that Michael Boll treated such an interaction of help with indifference, that man over the years learned to not only be able to communicate with others with that ‘non active’ seemingly indifferent attitude, he got used to it. For certain courtesies, he even learned to appreciate it and be candid with it. That explains how that man was able to get help with his exam, even though Michael Boll did not interpret such help in an active context. The solution or treatment used for instigations identified by phrase ‘Composure deficiency’ is the gratitude that man expressed to Michael Boll. To help your sense of composure at least feel like it’s partially recovering, imagine using the gratitude of that man on what the instigation caused you to experience. For example, if part of the instigation was some sort of show designed to surprise you into having a sense of composure deficiency, then imagine the gratitude of that man presented to that show. If another part of that instigation just made you feel that way, but involved no obvious presentation, then allow yourself to sense the gratitude of that man being applied to the adverse feeling of your composure response as you would recall such an experience. Of course, the idea is to not express actual gratitude to that instigator or instigators. The idea is to use that sense of gratitude to help your composure response to at least partially feel better.

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Exceed treat:

I invented an idea a month or so ago that you can contemplationally say to help you apply this idea upon yourself. It is called ‘Treatment’. Idea ‘Treatment’ means that an instigator may impose an instigation that adversely influences what treatment you use to help yourself recover from such an instigation. For example, refurbished of course, since I don’t know if it actually happened, Melvin Udall caused those waitresses to avoid communicating with him in the movie ‘As Good as It Gets’. In his context, that involved influencing what those waitresses used to treat those instigations imposed my Mr. Udall. For example, why didn’t those waitresses use as part of their treatment some sort of gratitude to be given to Melvin Udall? You see, I am not a doctor, but it is my belief that if you cause a person to feel a depreciating sense of composure, then it is unlikely that person would communicate with you using sincere gratitude, like that man used in the movie ‘Bad Influence’. You probably won’t use gratitude in your self treatment, unless you are professionally trained to, or maybe you were given advice from someone, etc. The point is that it is very likely that many people in America will not use gratitude as part of their self treatment.

And that is why I call that idea ‘Exceed treat’. That means that you are trying to give yourself an intentionally excessive sense of excessive treatment in the form of gratitude in order to help your sense of composure feel better as it relates to instigations identifed by idea ‘Composure deficiency’. It’s not actually excessive. You just want to sense that gratitude to the point that it is in your benefit, in a reasonable context, of course. Just contemplationally say ‘Exceed treat’, and give the positive results a little time to be more noticeable.

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[10/4/2019: I imagined that some of the kids who tried to use this idea found it difficult to do so because they believe that using gratitude in such a way is a lie. This is just advice to me, and I’m not forcing anyone to change their beliefs just so that an idea would work for them. I did not know this was going to happen, not until after I typed the idea in. And since I didn’t have time until Friday to say anything about it, I’ve been thinking about kids reacting to this ‘gratitude using’ situation for several days. For example, I imagined kids saying to each other that I would have to delete it or change it. And yesterday, I decided to delete this list, and explain it again. However, since based on certain expectations involving using this blog, I am also very lazy. If I had someone that worked for me to manage this blog, I would get that person to change this list. But since there’s only me, I’m just going to add this addendum to it. The problem I believe that is happening with the use of Wishlist #1193 is the specific use of gratitude as the solution. So, let’s explore why I chose gratitude to be used as the solution: Here’s a quote again from movie ‘As Good as It Gets(1997)’ again, 11 minutes and 55 seconds into the movie:

Melvin Udall: ‘I’ve got Jews at my table!’

When he says that to Carol Connelly, notice how the other waitresses reacted. That is the best illustration I can think of for idea ‘Composure deficiency’. Most of the waitresses reacted in discomfort when Mr. Udall said that to Carol. And so, this is what I think happened to those waitresses, and of course it’s a movie, and they’re actresses: In the beginning, when those waitresses started to serve Melvin Udall as a customer, he would cause them to feel miserable, even though they did nothing wrong. That is because Melvin Udall over the course of years invented the ability to adversely affect another person’s sense of preferred composure. He made them feel a sense of composure deficiency. So, for example, even though you are going into a participation with smiles, those smiles will not be able to stop, so to speak, that feeling of composure deficiency.

Now, with the rest of this advice, and some ideas offered to you in other Wishlists, you may interpret these ideas as being more informed. And you have certain scenes in the movie ‘As Good as It Gets’, using certain ideas to re-interpret those scenes. For those waitresses, they couldn’t just ‘shake off’ that feeling of composure deficiency that Mr. Udall so easily creates. And if you choose to watch that scene again, when Mr. Udall says the phrase:

Mr. Udall: ‘I’ve got Jews at my table!’

you can see that those waitresses STILL can’t shake that feeling of composure deficiency off! They’ve learned to tolerate it more, but part of their chosen treatment was to avoid serving him completely, and just allow Carol to treat him as a customer. Don’t get me wrong: instigators may still make you feel a sense of composure deficiency, even with this advice. But with this idea, and the ideas I plan to give you soon, you can prepare better how such an experience affects you.

So, if you don’t want to use gratitude in such a way, I’m not trying to change your mind. I recommend that you can still keep the rest of this advice, and just ‘throw away’ how I recommended you to use gratitude as a solution.

So, what is the recommended treatment for composure deficiency? If you look at those waitresses again, notice that they are avoiding the use of many forms of gratitude to be given to Mr. Udall. Using that example, I recommend that you allow yourself to recover somewhat your ability to express gratitude to that instigator in your school or job that has caused you to experience such a sense of composure deficiency.

Here’s a question for the advice: ‘Didn’t you say that using gratitude was a lie?’ Yes, I did say that. The way I recommended that you use gratitude as a solution originally, in the explained context, was a lie. So, right now, I’m recommending that you allow yourself to recover from the gratitude deficiency that the instigator or instigators have caused you to have. If you watched that scene, you may surmise that the gratitude deficiency is directly associated with the waitresses choosing to not express many forms of gratitude to Mr. Udall. So, the partial solution I am recommending for you to do is to allow yourself to have the ability to express gratitude to those who have caused you to experience such composure deficiencies, for mild to moderate forms of instigation, of course.

If you look at that recommendation, so far, there are no lies in it. So far, you are not using gratitude in a way that looks like a lie. So, how would you go about doing that, allowing yourself to have the ability to express gratitude, with the intent to help recover somewhat that feeling of composure deficiency created by such an instigation? The solution I recommend is that, when you choose to recall past instigations that cause you to feel a sense of composure deficiency, just imagine that you are using a sense of gratitude. That sense of gratitude is just there to treat that feeling of composure deficiency that is being created by that instigation. And when you experience an instigation ‘real time’, while you are at school or work for example, and the instigator is causing you to feel a sense of composure deficiency, just imagine that sense of gratitude again to treat that sense of composure deficiency. And also keep in mind that this is just having the ability to do that. You may never need to always feel a sense of gratitude every time that happens. Choosing to consider feeling a sense of gratitude could also be used as a reminder of this advice in general. Also, like practically every idea you’ve read in the past, you’ll just absorb this idea anyway, no longer needing to actively use it again for some time. If you have doubts about the effectiveness of this idea, just look at that scene again in the movie, when Mr. Udall says the words:

Mr. Udall: ‘I’ve got Jews at my table!’

and see how those waitresses reacted again. Those waitresses could represent people, men, women, and kids, who choose to avoid expressing many forms of gratitude to certain instigators because of the composure deficiencies they impose upon them to experience. I recommend that you imagine Mr. Udall having a birthday party for himself in that restaurant. Let’s say the waitresses know in advance when that birthday party is. Some of those waitresses may ask their boss if they can take that day off, so that they can avoid such a composure deficiency feeling, since they are also avoiding many expressions of gratitude directed towards Mr. Udall. Also, a few of the customers who also experienced Mr. Udall’s composure deficiencies, since they were not aware that his birthday party was occurring that day, they may just leave the restaurant just to avoid that experience. You see? If you are able to at least contemplationally express gratitude to such an instigator, then I believe such an exercise can be useful to you at school or work. And here is the obvious question for you: How is that a lie? You are practicing to make sure that you have more of an ability to express gratitude to that instigator. That is something that you would want to be able to do. Of course, if you want to use another, reasonable way or ways to maintain the ability to express gratitude to an instigator that is causing you to have composure deficiency, then use that instead if you want to. And of course, if you believe my recommendation is still a lie, and/or you just don’t want to use the idea, I still recommend that you keep the rest of this advice, and that you look for another way to develop your ability to express gratitude to such instigators. 10/4/2019]

[It is now 8:55 PM EST for me. I’m going to close this idea now. Tomorrow, I plan to give you another idea. So, if you are there, I’ll see you then.

TV-MA sci-fi violence and viewer discretion for tv series ‘The Strain’. PG-13 viewer discretion for movie ‘As Good as It Gets’. [9/28/2019: Rated R mature themes, violence, and viewer discretion for thriller movie ‘Bad Influence’. 9/28/2019] Use only refurbished for advice references recommended. Throw away rest of episode, tv series, and movie. [Use mental bookmarks ‘Composure deficiency’, ‘Treatment’, and ‘Exceed treat’ for reference, allocation, and prevention when needed.